Coach Jim

This Blog Has Moved!

2009-11-08T22:23:00.000-08:00

Please see my new blog The LifeCrafters Blog, part of my new LifeCrafters site.

Letting Go

2009-10-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

Look fear in the face and it will flee from you.
--Sr Yukteswar Giri
Life today is an art form. With all the changes coming at us, the art is deciding when and where we can make a difference. It’s a matter of balancing making things happen and letting things happen.

Societally, we’re way over on the making side. We don’t know much about surrender. But if you’re like me, a quick retrospective of your life reveals that many of the good things that happened for you happened without your efforting. It’s not that you didn’t earn them or deserve them, you just didn’t have a lot to do with their coming about. Knowing when and how to let go is a valuable thing to have in your tool kit.

Letting go may seem like the very opposite of doing something, but it can be a bear sometimes. I was in a ropes course in the California mountains and was relishing all the exercises--until we got to the Rappelling Station. I'd seen people do this before and was anxious to try it. Dangling by a rope, pushing off the rocks and dropping fifty feet, swinging in to the face, then pushing off and dropping again--what could be easier?

When it was my turn and I was all harnessed in, I went to the edge of the sheer cliff leaned out over it backwards and looked down between my legs at the treetops hundreds of feet below. The instructor said, "Let go." I nodded my head in agreement, knowing it was safe to do so. But my hands were frozen around the safety rope. They plainly had a mind of their own and were saying, ‘Are you crazy?’ The coach said, ‘Are you scared?’ I nodded vigorously. ‘Good,’ he said. ‘Watch it all the way down.’ Somehow it was all right then to take that fear along with me. I jumped--and had the time of my life rappelling down. When I got to the bottom, I wanted to do it again!

Letting go is a skill I would recommend in these times. Sure, it’s counter-intuitive and scary, but when your mind’s been tied up in a knot it can be very freeing. The real skill from my experience, though, is about handling fear. Don’t look away. Acknowledge it fully. “Watch it all the way down.”

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Everything is Already

2009-10-22T10:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things are so there for us that we don’t perceive their existence. They’re so so for us that we don’t think to question their existence or their origin. For instance, did you ever wonder where thoughts come from? Chances are you haven’t. If you’re like most people you perceive yourself as a thinker, and think of thoughts as being generated by your mind.

But what if thoughts came to us from a pre-existing state? What if they’re not mind- generated events, but rather are floating in the intangible ether, waiting to be grasped by ready minds? The great Indian sage Paramahansa Yogananda taught that every thought has a particular vibration, and that it is already out there. Just as we find a radio station by turning the dial on a receiver, “getting” an idea is simply tuning in to its frequency.

If you watch your mind for a while, you’ll see that you are, indeed, not choosing the thoughts that come to you; your mind is simply allowing them entrance. Try this for a moment: make yourself a mind-observer by dis-identifying a part of your awareness from your thought stream. Watching dispassionately as one after another thought-event floats by, you can notice how they are hooked up into threads, one idea suggesting another or inducing an image or memory-thought.

A digital designer using Photoshop treats pieces of text as objects that can be moved around, shaped and sized on a screen in the same way as pictures. Watching your thoughts as objects that are “not you” is more than a mental trick. If you can train yourself to do it, you’re practicing a high degree of detachment. No longer seeing your ideas and opinions as yourself, you can hold them as perceptions apart from you. When someone else disagrees with them, instead of defending them you can listen and seek mutual understanding in a calm manner.

You can even go farther and play around with mind-sets, reframing at will until you find ways of perceiving that are consistent with your perceived values. This makes you a truly self-evolving thinker, the shaper of your own destiny.
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The Magic Glasses

2009-10-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

A friend introduced me to a man she said was a very wise person, and then left us alone. I was not impressed by the stranger. For one thing, he had an attitude. (I can always tell when someone has an attitude.) Besides, I didn’t like the way his ears stuck out.

As we shook hands, he said, “Why are you crying?”

“Me? I’m not crying,” I said.

“Not on the outside, but on the inside you are crying.”

My heart suddenly opened and I spoke without thinking. “I’m sad because I can’t stop judging people. It hurts.”

The VWP reached into his pocket and drew out a pair of ordinary-looking glasses. He handed them to me and gestured for me to put them on. When I did, I was dazzled by his beauty. Gorgeous light seemed to be pouring from his chest. I was speechless. He had seemed so ordinary before. Now he was the very embodiment of beauty.

He told me the glasses were mine to use, but that after a certain number of hours they would vanish. Then he walked away.

Having those glasses changed me. Everyone I looked at was radiantly beautiful. It was like I was falling in love with everyone. I still could not speak, so awe-struck was I by the beauteous light that glowed from each person I saw.

Then, suddenly, the glasses disappeared. People were back to normal. There again in plain view were all their faults and unpleasant traits and actions. I was shocked. I wanted those glasses back, for now my judgment brought me actual pain. I was sad for a long time. Then one day I met the VWP again.

“I wish you had never given me those glasses!” I raged. “They just covered up what people are really like.”

“You are wrong, my friend,” he said. “You were given a great gift, for the glasses showed you the actual truth of each person. Far from embellishing, they revealed the hidden gem within each which is the soul.”

Now I am working to train myself to look at people as if I have the glasses on.

Learn how to discern people's souls without
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Smile Through Me

2009-10-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

“I did not write it. It wrote me.” In such words, frequently used by writers, poets and musicians, is captured the secret of creativity. Humans do not create, they respond. Whether it be in words, musical notes, paint strokes, dance steps, skyscrapers or solutions, creativity is always a matter of finding and re-arranging.

O life is sweet, and death a dream
When Thy song flows through me.

These words of a chant by Yogananda remind us that there is a melody ready—and just aching—to push itself through each one of us. Our job is to stand out of the way. Jazz musician Izaak Ibrahim said it: “I am not the player; I am played.” When we allow ourselves to become Its music, beauty enters the world again.

It’s not that the instrument is unimportant. When one allows that secret theme to be expressed through oneself, the product is always unique. Just as each reed flute has its own resonance, each of our bodies, minds, characters and personalities shape the song. Creativity comes in all forms and specialties. It can be in the way you are with animals, the way you make people laugh, the way you bake cookies—anything. I have a friend who possesses a talent for seeing what people need before they do. Her solutions amaze them, for they are always elegantly correct.

“Oh, I’m not creative!” This oft-heard comment is like a cork in a bottle, a plug in a faucet, that merely results in stoppage, for which the world is poorer. We are here to add, not subtract. We cannot help but create. If we are alive, each of us is a song, a smile, a story. Each day awaits the unfoldment of that gift.

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Winks

2009-10-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

Right after it happened, I looked up to find an old man at a nearby table looking at me with a knowing smile. I looked away, but he spoke.

“Are you paying attention?”

“Sir,” I said, “I have no idea—“

“Where I come from, they call ‘em Winks.” (I swear, when he said the word, it was capitalized.)

Then I knew that, incredibly, he had tuned into that serendipitous moment when, thinking sadly of my recently dead parents, I heard pouring over the restaurant speakers the words and melody of their favorite love song.

“It was only a coincidence,” I began, but his hand came up like a traffic cop’s signaling STOP.

“Where Winks are concerned,” he said gravely, “there are no ‘onlies’. After all, they’re not called Winks for nothin’.”

I sat gazing out the window for a minute. When I looked back, he was gone. As I left the café to join the sidewalk traffic, a woman’s eyes met mine for an instant. She reminded me of Carolyn, an old girlfriend. As she passed, I saw a large C embroidered on her jacket. Marveling at that, I thought of the old man again—and just then a car passed; it had the license plate PAY-ATTN.

From then on, the Winks have continued to come. Now I look for them, for I have come to relish the deep feeling of belonging that permeates a world that had been strange and alien to me before.

My limited research shows that if you are looking for Winks you get more of them. So believe in little miracles. They are happening all around you.

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A Different Way of Knowing

2009-10-06T09:54:00.000-07:00

Once when I was consulting with the staff of a Navajo school I would sometimes see an old Indian man striding implacably across the desert. With his wrinkled face and flowing white hair he looked the very picture of a seer. I asked my teacher friend Calvin about him. “That’s John Whitehorse,” Calvin said. “There are many stories about him.”

“Tell me one,” I said. Calvin thought a moment, then told me: “My cousin’s driving to town one day and comes across John Whitehorse. He stops and asks him if he wants a ride. ‘No thanks,” the old man says, ‘I’m in a hurry.’ My cousin drives on, and a mile down the road he has a flat. He gets out to change it, only to find his spare tire is flat, too! He sits down to wait. Pretty soon here comes John Whitehorse, walking straight on by without a word. Hours later when my cousin gets to town the old man is long gone.”

How did the old man know? Whatever he had, we could really use the skill in our lives and work. Things are moving so fast we need a whole new way of learning things. That new way would need to meet the following criteria:

It would not rely on sensory data from which to draw inferences.
It would look beyond outside facts as being too small and short-lived.
It would transcend temporal and spatial limits.

The only kind of learning that fulfills these criteria is learning by intuition. Most of us have flashes of intuition but have never learned to trust and train this inner way of knowing. Yet more and more business articles are focusing on the need for leaders and organizations to develop intuition in order to respond quickly and effectively to rapid changes.

There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is that most of us have formed a lifelong habit of trusting exclusively in one way of knowing--inferring from sensory data. The good news is that we do have what John Whitehorse had. Far from something outside us that must be added, it is a “sleeping giant” within us, a hidden source of wisdom just waiting to be tapped.

Nature of Intuition
What is intuition? In his Autobiography of A Yogi, the great Indian teacher Paramahansa Yogananda wrote:

Intuition is that directly perceiving faculty of the soul that at once knows the truth about anything, requiring no medium of sense experience or reason. It does not consist in believing a thing, but in knowing it directly and unmistakably. It does not contradict. It is always supported by a right sense of perception, reason, and inference, although it does not depend upon any data whatsoever offered by the senses or the mind. A real intuition can never be wrong. Everyone possesses this quality more or less. Like any faculty, it must be cultivated.

That last phrase--”it must be cultivated”--is the kicker. Most of us are so focused on data perceived by way of the senses that we tend to mistrust what comes to us any other way. This means we miss the inner signals when they are there.

The only way to train ourselves to tune in to these signals is to do what John Whitehorse obviously had done: undertake a long-term project of self-study and perceptual tinkering. We must train ourselves to recognize the ways intuition signals us. Each of us is different, so each must train him/herself to identify the particular pathways by which this hidden knowing comes to us. This tuning-in cannot be done while we are hurrying and scurrying. We must learn to create, grab, or steal opportunities to be quiet and “inquire within.”

Some Guidelines

• Seek solitude
The world will not give you this; you have to value alone-time enough to carve it out for yourself. Without periods of interiorized reflection, your mind remains in a constant state of restlessness.

• Develop calmness
The scripture says, “Be still and know that I am God.” The more still you become, the better you can tune in with the Source.

• Learn to meditate
Saints and sages over millennia have claimed that meditation is the only way to train the intuition. “Meditation,” someone has said, “is the only way to get out of your movie, and realize that it is a movie.”

• Keep attention on the heart.
Intuition, Yogananda taught, is perceived mostly through the heart. Whenever you are concerned about something, or trying to find the right course to pursue, calmly concentrate on the region of the heart.

• Question reality.
The enemy of intuition is the ego. By being willing to give up our “sure things” and be guided by some other way which we’ve not used, we remain trainable.

• Be willing to fail.
Those of us who are primarily mental in our approach to problems might mistake our bursts of intellectual enlightenment for intuition. Creative types might mistake intuition’s “still small voice” for imagination. Individuals who are especially tactile might think they are being led by feelings or sensations.
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Show Me Yours

2009-10-02T00:05:00.000-07:00

Everybody's got a soul, but since it's usually not on display, most writers resort to metaphor to describe it. Paramahansa Yogananda used the tiny blue flames issuing from jets in a gas heater to allude to individual souls. His point was that as those flames appear separate but are really expressions of a single source, so in our physical forms we appear separate, but what we really are comes from a single Place.

Jet flames are seen, but our souls are not; it's easy to think that we are the packages our souls move around in. Looking in mirrors, confusing ourselves with our packages, we reinforce our mistaken identities.

What kind of mirror can I look into that will reveal my own True Self, except the True Self of another? When someone takes the initiative to reveal what is beyond her/his mask, I glimpse the soul. Truth telling, authentic actions, deeds of kindness or courage, these reveal the inner, the true. Without them, we're all just 'lost but making good time.'

Another way the soul is revealed is through carefully cultured recognition. It's possible to view people beyond their forms, traits and personalities. To see the divine in others takes an act of will, an iron focus that won't be deterred by the outward, the beguiling or the off-putting. A perceptual beam determined to discern the jewel in each package.

Finally, and most powerfully, we find the soul by removing our attention utterly for a time from the outward show and bringing it deeply within. Using whatever techniques we find to quiet the body and still the mind, we strip away the false and temporary of us and reveal the true and eternal.

It's all in what you're looking for.

Coaching Jim Ballard's way can help you develop your soul-discerning
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Being Self-comfortable

2009-09-29T09:04:00.000-07:00

In any life there are defining moments, points of self-discovery. For me the most important are when I discover a new level of comfort with being me, myself. Up to that point I’ve not been aware, necessarily, of any particular discomfort. Then comes this sense of having expanded into a part of myself that was waiting. It’s like I look and see that the skin has stretched to accommodate more of myself. I’m all here—and then some. That sensation of expansion into ‘more of me’ is such that I want to celebrate it.

I’m finding myself dressed out in a stunningly attractive and perfectly fitting new suit—except that it feels already old and comfortable and lived-in. Maybe I’ve grown into the next size, without quite knowing it. Having become more of my ownself, I seem to move around in new space.

When I reach this new level of comfort with myself, I’m aware that certain things have dropped away; they’re conspicuous in their absence. Missing, for example, is the need to question my decisions or actions. I can just go ahead and say or do something without pausing to test the waters. That new trust level saves all kinds of time.

Also, I don’t have to wonder where I want to go. Each day seems to beckon with its potentials, and I just move out, into and through each situation, enjoying the fulfillment of its possibilities. I seem to already know those venues where I’ll enjoy the most satisfying interactions or discoveries. When they occur I think: I didn’t know this would happen, but now that it has, I see that it was inevitable.

The world seems more alive and friendly, and I’m aware of the reason: I am more alive and friendly.

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A Great Teacher of Yoga

2009-09-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

Paramahansa Yogananda is often credited with being the person who introduced yoga to the West. The great sage came to this country from India in 1920 as a young man and remained, except for a year-long visit back to India, until his death here in 1952. After years of traveling the country, drawing huge crowds to his lectures on meditation and on living so as to find true happiness, Yogananda concentrated on spiritually deepening and enriching the lives of his followers. He founded Self-Realization Fellowship (SRF), calling it a “church of all religions”; today it is a worldwide organization numbering tens of thousands.

To Westerners accustomed to thinking of religion as a set of beliefs, Yogananda was the first to define it as scientific practice. With Christianity he easily harmonized the ancient Hindu concepts of maya or cosmic delusion, the Mother aspect of God, and the dream nature of the world (foreshadowing current discoveries of particle science). Going beyond the definition of yoga as the practice of certain postures, he called yoga “the science of personal communion with the Divine”. Through written Lessons he introduced specific techniques of meditation for producing direct personal experience of God. By comparing human life to an ocean wave which rises from the sea and travels for a while, to sink again and become one with its source, Yogananda provided a simple and compelling version of death as a returning to our true nature as Spirit. (My book Little Wave and Old Swell is based on the Master's metaphor.) He also spoke often of the need to develop the intuition, describing it as the bridge between mind and soul.

Yogananda wrote many books, of which the best known is the spiritual classic, Autobiography of A Yogi. His recently published two-volume set entitled The Second Coming of Christ: The Resurrection of the Christ Within You, is swiftly gaining readers who seek a broader understanding of the teachings of Jesus. The SRF Lessons, mailed to all who request them (www.yogananda-srf.org), cover not only how to meditate but how to live so as to achieve success and supreme fulfillment in any endeavor.

I have never found anyone whose writings so accurately and movingly capture the truth of my own being. No dreamy idealist, Yogananda taught practical methods of melding the spiritual with the everyday challenges of living. His poetry and affirmations possess an amazing power to awaken and revitalize one’s experience of joy. One example from his Scientific Healing Affirmations is useful for repeating amidst the stresses of every day:

I relax and cast aside all mental burdens,
allowing God to express through me
His perfect love, peace, and wisdom.

Another, for use in healing the body:

My body cells are made of Light;
My fleshly cells are made of Thee.
They are perfect for Thou art perfect;
They are Spirit, for I am He.

For coaching in how to live as Yogananda said, "with head in the clouds and feet on the ground," visit www.myjimballard.com

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Life Was Here A Moment Ago

2009-09-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

Moments are all we have, but they go by so fast and there are so many of them we tend to think they’re not important. Here’s how important moments are: everything you ever did, everything that ever happened to you, happened in a moment.

Since moments are what we live in, they require attention. Every waking moment of your life consists of what you pay attention to. It’s possible to stay alert and give full attention to whatever’s happening in the present. You probably did it when you were little, but most of us gave that up long ago. Becoming an adult these days seems to mean shifting attention from the moment you’re in to future moments. Adults live whole days without being in the moments they are in, always thinking what’s next. Take the average adult. Once in a while her attention has returned to the moment she was in, but she’s already used up 12,466,839,155,376 of today’s moments being someplace else -- up ahead, where she can’t possibly make a difference from the moment she’s occupying.

I don’t mean we should never think of the future. Planning and goal-setting and visioning are fine and necessary uses of present moments. Once they’re in place, though, they should be put in the set-it-and-forget-it category, like your watch. When I say we’re using up precious moments I’m talking about fussing about what’s next. While our attention is on future moments rather than the ones we’re in, we sort of don’t exist, except in fantasy. We’re not where we are, so we might as well not be around at all. Keeping our minds on what’s next rather than what’s in front of us means we’re always distracted. That’s very stressful and wasteful of energy. Conversely, the moment the mind let’s go of what’s next and returns full attention to what’s now, it relaxes. It feels the joy of returning home; now it’s fully available for what it has in front of it.

A friend of mine, Spencer Johnson, wrote a book called The Precious Present. The story is about a grandfather who keeps talking about the precious present, and a boy who keeps expecting it to be a gift wrapped up like a birthday present. It turns out the precious present is the present: this moment -- and this one -- and this one. Moments are precious because they go by so fast and can so easily be squandered.

A very wise man named Paramahansa Yogananda once said,

You are the master of the moments of your life. He meant that each of us gets to decide what we spend our moments on. Most of us could probably say that many of our past moments have been misused. Misused moments make up misused lives. But other moments—those we were fully present in, fully ourselves, fully joyfully on-target—were used to the full. And lots of moments used to the full make up fully used-up lives. Ones we can look back on and say, “Good show.”

That’s why Yogananda said,

The moments are more important than the years.

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2009-09-19T23:22:00.000-07:00

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Time Is the Cosmic Joke

2009-09-15T23:34:00.000-07:00

The circadian rhythms by which plants, animals and young children live suggest that “body time” is realer than “clock time.” When we are run solely by clock time we lose much of the joy and vitality waiting to be tapped in each waking moment of Now. Our spontaneity and creativity are generated outside of measurable time, so by visiting there we gain ideas and products to be used within real-time.

Free yourself from the tyranny of time by changing the way you look at it. View time and space as they come to you in the form of experiences and relationships. Revisit your aspirations, dreams and hopes regularly. Observe the perpetual current of thoughts and emotions that arise within you. Life is manifesting itself richly in all these ways, to all of which clock time is totally irrelevant. Some tips for changing the way you perceive and experience time:

Enter the day.
Get up early when the house is quiet, and spend some time being calm and contemplative. Write in a journal, or seek quiet inspiration from books or scriptures that will stay with you throughout the hours ahead. Resolve never again to “hit the ground running.”

Unmask a clock.
Get a clock and look at it. See it for what it is, a simple repeating machine, not unlike a metronome. The intervals it measures are purely arbitrary, made up by someone and agreed-to by all. Keeping time is merely keeping an agreement. Reflect on the absurdity of having your life, even a day of it, run by a tick-tock machine.

Make time go away.
During one of your morning reflections, think about those times when you are so into what you are doing that time is absent and unimportant. Write down a list of endings for the phrase, “Time goes away when . . . ” Look over the list and ask yourself, what are the patterns? What is repeatable about such times? Devise ways to incorporate those elements into more of what you do at work.

Relax and concentrate.
Adopt a philosophy of, “Don’t hurry. Don’t stop.” Resolve to do each thing you do today well and with concentration and relaxation. Whenever you are tempted to rush, resist it. Take a few deep breaths, relax, and concentrate. The paradox is, keeping to the don’t-hurry-don’t-stop rule saves time.

Delegate.
Recall sick days when the world went on without your help, when others somehow did what you thought only you could do. Think of sharing duties as giving the gift of contributing to others. Every day review your to-do list to see what items can be delegated, or the responsibility shared. Gladly and without guilt present these to others.

Be time-rich.
A good mantra is: “I have all the time in the world to do the right thing I came to this moment to do.” As you work from a time-rich instead of a time-famished base, you’ll get far more done in far less time -- and enjoy it more.

Celebrate a slow-down.
Whenever you get behind a slow driver or experience any other delay, heave a sigh and thank your heavens for reminding you that you have all the time in the world.

Arrive refreshed.

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Catching People

2009-09-13T08:44:00.001-07:00

My friend and co-author Ken Blanchard travels all over the world giving speeches to top leaders and heads of companies. People soak up what he says, and many show up after a talk to ask the same question: “If there were one bit of advice you could give us, above all the rest, what would it be?” Without hesitation Ken replies, “Start catching people doing things right.”

Back in 2004 Ken and I, working with friends Thad Lacinek and Chuck Tompkins — the guys in charge of training killer whales at SeaWorld--put that advice in the form of a book titled Whale Done! the Power of Positive Relationships. It’s a story about Wes Kingsley, a man who’s not getting along with people at work or at home, who goes to the Shamu Show. Like the rest of the audience, Wes wonders how they get those killer whales to perform so spectacularly. When he meets the trainer and asks if they starve the animals or otherwise punish them, he’s told, “It’s not a good idea to punish a killer whale and then get in the water with him.” Instead, Wes learns that the formula is simple:

Set things up for success.

Ignore or redirect failure.

Praise success (ie., give a Whale Done!).

The idea is an old one: accentuate the positive; eliminate the negative. When Wes starts applying the steps at work and at home, his world turns around.

The second book in the Whale Done series, Whale Done Parenting, is due out in October. As the title implies, its story focuses on raising children following the same rules. Amy, a mother of a two-year-old, is training to be a killer whale trainer. She brings the Whale Done principles home and applies them to the raising of her son. The typical issues of parenting a tot -- potty training, tantrums, mealtimes, bedtimes, sharing, etc. — all get the Whale Done treatment. A third book, The Whale Done School, is in the works for next year. It’s to be based on the work of Cynthia Zurchin, a courageous elementary principal who turned a troubled Pittsburgh school around using the Whale Done approach.

Catching people doing things right is simple, but it’s far from easy. That’s because we’re accustomed to noticing the things people do wrong. A simple misteak grabs our attention, and we think we should correct it. But strange magic happens when we begin to shift our attention onto what people do right. When we do, there’s plenty to pick up on. As soon as you start noticing people’s good stuff, and calling their attention to it, be ready for them to do some weird things. We’re all of us so used to living in a world of gotcha’s that a Whale Done — a pat on the back, a compliment, a praising or bit of recognition – coming out of left field can turn us around. It can change our motivation, because we want to do more of what got the sunshine.

So take Ken Blanchard’s advice with your kids, your students, your employees, your spouse, or even your boss: Start catching them doing things right.

"Catching" people requires retraining our attention, a skill of invaluable worth. Need a coach for this? Visit www.myjimballard.com

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Mine Alone to Do

2009-08-30T10:48:00.000-07:00

The prayer of the Life-Crafter

Help me to do only that which is mine.
Help me to seek until I find that which I alone was fashioned to do.
Let me not wander in the wilderness of others’ pursuits,
Wondering if I am to do what they do and seek what they seek.
Let me answer solely to that calling for which I was made,
That legacy which I alone can leave to this world.

May I, having determined to find my destiny, seek it unrelentingly.
Entering gladly the solitude in which alone it can be heard,
May I linger long in that silence, shutting out all else,
Until the treasured whispers of that sound come to me.
May I listen again and again until I hear that Voice within me.
Calling to my heart to do what waits to be done.

And once having heard and made it my sacred study,
Having determined that this and only this is my task,
Let me set myself to accomplish it fully, straying not from the path,
Heeding not the allurements of others’ success,
The trappings of convention, or what is newly fashionable.
My gaze ever unwinking on that which I have come to do.

This shall be my passion, my only goal in life and work:
To serve that end for which each part of me is fitted,
To bring into the world that which only I can create.
And when my life is at an end, and I look back
To see what was wrought by That which in me worked,
Emptied of toil, I’ll know the meaning of fulfillment.

-- Jim Ballard

Finally, this is better, that one do
His own task as he may, even though he fail,
Than take tasks not his own though they
seem good.
To die performing duty is no ill;
But who seeks other roads shall wander still.

-- The Song Celestial, Bhagavad Gita

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Working in the “Calmly Active, Actively Calm” State

2009-08-26T15:10:00.000-07:00

Today's working people are faced with a two-fold challenge: doing more in less time, while handling unexpected occurrences along the way. An apt metaphor for this kind of activity is the whitewater kayaker. Several paddling principles can well be adapted into our work and family lives.

Don’t push the river.

The whitewater kayaker is not paddling to get anywhere; she lets the river take care of that. Let your day carry you along, realizing it has its own pace and agenda. Just paddle to stay afloat, and avoid obstructions.

Give up control and gain power.

The world-class paddler has scouted the rapids, so she has an idea of the terrain, but once in the water no energy is wasted trying to control the flow. No paddling to go faster; rather a series of relaxed strategic dipping responses that keep the boat upright and pointed downstream.

Stay Audible-Ready.

Holding to the planned route is not the point -- the river (i.e., your action plan) will take care of that; the process of maintaining balance and direction of one's boat are what occupy the mind. Being ready to change is part of living in a world of change. In football they call it being "audible ready." When the team comes out of the huddle with a certain play in mind, in lining up the quarterback might see that the play won't work because the opposing team has shifted. As he barks out the signals he calls a new play. Every player on the team is able to shift automatically to what that play calls for him to do.

Redefine the goal.

Redefine achievement as conformance of actions to personal values, rather than by what gets done. Values (such as excellence or customer service or integrity) help in choosing what's important over what's merely urgent. When outward conditions shift, values anchors still hold.

Detach, and enjoy the journey.

The work gets done, but the journey is what’s important. Satisfaction comes from being part of something that is happening fast, pitting one's skills and energies against the challenge of the current itself through moment-to-moment cooperation with it.

Many people are fighting their way down the river of their work day or week; consequently they're beat up by the journey. They react by paddling more furiously, trying for control at times when they haven't any.

It is this reacting mode, not the outward pace and circumstances, that stresses them. Instead of the mind being in the present moment, with what they are doing, it leaves and goes to the past (regrets) or to the future (worries and fears). Focus is lost, the mind is confused, darting about.

While in this reacting mode, the mind is incapable of truly creating, solving, managing appropriately or responding elegantly. When a change hits that throws the plan out of kilter, the person trying to hold onto the way things were feels victimized.

Change the way you look at things. You're making it all up anyway, by picking out what to notice; might as well like what you see. Reframing (shifting what you’re seeing with) is the new mind-elegance tool. By using the tool, you’re not thrown when you encounter unexpected river conditions. In the midst of the battle, it's useful to reconceptualize change and your role in it , as in:

This change is just what is happening. I can calmly respond to the new situation by letting go of expectations. When I don't hold on to the way it was, and open my mind to the way it is, it's more fun.

My moment is now. Right here is where all my experience is, all my power to make things happen, not some past or future time. Let me do the right thing NOW.

My new role is change manager. That means paying attention in a new way, handling my own inner states in appropriate response to outer changes.

I used to be in control; now I'm in power.

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Keeping Your I-Like-You’s Up to Date

2009-08-22T09:33:00.000-07:00

Given the turbulence we live in (“What turbulence?” people might ask, the way a fish might say, “What water?”), it’s very easy to let things go on the relationship side. As in every other area — health, money, possessions — we tend to pay attention only when there’s a flashing light somewhere — a pain or breakdown or other crisis. But relationships are like plants that need watering. And the person who acts as a constant gardener in this area attracts a lot of good stuff.

Keeping your I-like-you’s up to date isn’t that hard; it just needs attention and maintenance, like your checkbook balance, your computer, and your car. Once you start, the habit feeds itself on good feelings and satisfaction. Once you begin to systematically take bits of time-out to appreciate people, it should shortly become addictive.

Here are some key points about doing it.

Think small scale
Most of us are not world-changers, but we can go about making a difference in other lives in small bits and pieces by regularly reaching out to acknowledge that people are important to us. Don’t take a long time to compose a message (if you do, you’ll drop this practice in a hurry, for it will consume too much of your time). Each should be short, sincere, and to the point.

Think long-term
Keeping up to date on your I-like-you’s is a habit you want to cultivate and manage throughout your life. The payoffs for you are enormous, and mostly unanticipated. Say your message to someone is “Sorry I got busy and didn’t meet up with you at the gathering last night.” One comes right back: “I can’t believe you took the time to apologize. It was so un-needed — and yet so glorious to get that from you. Thanks!”

Especially your I-love-you’s
A subset of the broad category of I-like-you’s are I-love-you’s for the people — spouses, family members, best friends — that we care most about. And that means we tend to ignore them — they’re around a lot, they’re in our minds a lot, they know we have affection for them, so why should we tell them about it? Simply because we neglect it. It’s the old deathbed regret: “I wish I’d told so-and-so I loved them.”

Personalize
An I-like-you scores zero when it’s like one of those letters you get in the mail that begin: “We’re sending you this because you are a cherished customer…” and you haven’t done business with them in years. Your message should be tailored to (a) the recipient’s likes and dislikes, personality, and needs, (b) your relationship with the person, and (c) what’s going on at the time. The receiver of your I-like-you should value the transmission, feeling, “Wow, this is just for me!”

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Dreamrunning

2009-08-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

Are you running? Most of us are -- running through the days of our lives. Trying to catch up. Trying to stay ahead of the freight train of change and additional concerns and responsibilities that seems to be bearing down on us from behind.

The state of mind we get into when we rush is similar to that of the jogger or distance runner. How much farther to go? I don't know whether I can make it! When will this be over? Years ago I made up a series of mind games to keep from getting bored and stressed during long runs. To keep myself entertained I constructed a series of temporary alternate reality states or dreams. I found that practicing these mind games took away the stress of running and left my mind and body refreshed and harmonized. In a book I wrote about the subject titled What’s the Rush? I called the practice "dreamrunning," and the 30 or so mental constructions which I came up with I called "recipes for the sole."

The three recipes I include below give an idea of how to change running into the experience of “being run ”— that is, the sensation that you’re not the one doing the running but rather the activity is being done through you. You are the vessel, the instrument, but the effort is not yours, so the activity becomes “effortless.”

BreathPull Imagine that it's not your will or muscles, but your inhaling that is pulling you forward.

TowRope Pretend there is an invisible rope attached to your chest, that is gently pulling you forward.

Giant Hand Imagine a giant hand resting against your back, gently pushing you along.

Once you understand the principle of “being run” behind these mind-games, you can use it in other forms of recipes than running — i.e., biking, swimming, walking. You can also make up your own recipes. (Other good ones are Treadmill, where you imagine that the ground is moving under you, and you are running in place, and Frames, where you’re in a movie, and moving through each successive frame of movie film.)

In fact, you don’t have to be exercising to use the notion of "being run" to take the stress out of whatever you’re doing. In the very midst of all the hurry and change involved in working and living, it’s possible to practice a version of the recipes to achieve and maintain a balance between control and surrender, between "making things happen" and "letting things happen." You can become a dreamrunner at spots in a busy day. This mental shift can carry over into the day and leave you feeling supported and energized, calm amidst the storm.

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Most Important Thing

2009-08-14T00:25:00.001-07:00

For those of us who are old enough to recall a time when the world wasn’t moving so fast, the speed-up of change can resemble a tsunami that’s rolled over us, tearing our little boats away from their moorings. Afloat in unknown waters, without the familiar landmarks and home ports, we can truly feel adrift and rudderless. If we do set a course, seems we’re at the mercy of any storm that comes up.

Navigating to achieve success with our goals is less like motoring (where you head your boat for a destination and get there in a straight line) and more like sailing, where you must go indirectly, more or less dependent on the way the breeze is blowing at any one time. Sailing requires skill in reading the wind, changing directions by shifting sails and rudder. It’s a matter of balancing control and surrender -- cooperating with, rather than doing battle with, the sudden shifts of fortune. The smart ones among us, when finding themselves out of their depth like this, turn within and develop “in-here” anchors that can give us the stability we used to find by looking “out-there.”

The main thing, of course, is to know where you’re going, and that’s much harder to handle these days if your attention is fixed “out-there”, outside your skin. But again, an inward focus on those inner unchangeables—values, purpose, integrity—can bring you through any storm.

The most important thing in life, after all, is what it always was: to know what the most important thing in life is.

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Kinder than Necessary

2009-08-10T07:03:00.000-07:00

I came across a quote that woke me up. In fact, each time I read it or remember it, it has the same effect. So I copied it out and taped it on my bathroom mirror so I'll come across it at the start of each day. It says:

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone
you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

What makes the quote self-evident is my own battle. I know I'm fighting mine, but I don't give a thought, most times, to the fact that you are fighting yours. If I stopped and thought about it, I could wonder: What hopes drive you? What fears hold you back? etc. And by being "kinder than necessary" I may not come to know the answers, but perhaps I can provide some compensation, a bit of r&r from your battle fatigue.We see only evidences of people — their dress, their talk, their actions — and we think we know them. In reality, we are forming judgments on the basis of surface appearances. Outward actions are important, but they are really expressions of what is on the inside.

The human ego tends to carry its own self-imposed burden of infallibility. As soon as the mind thinks a thought, it stamps it with the seal of approval — "This must be true, because I thought of it." To counteract this presumption, we need to be self-questioning. In my own case, I've started this new habit because of the many times I've formed a pre-conception of some person — "She's that way," or "He must be such a ... " only to find out by getting past the snap judgment through further exposure that I was dead wrong. A friend of mine has given me a tool for this, which I try to use now whenever I see my mind thinking something is true that, on closer examination, is seen to be only an assumption. I call it Michael's Mantra, and it goes this way: "I have no clue."

Back to our kindness quote. Why the phrase "kinder than necessary?" In thinking about those who live outside our own skin, it's a safe bet that:

For each person out there, some sort of battle is going on.
Theirs is just as private and hidden as our own.
An act of "random kindness" could make a difference, if only by easing their way.

Kindness seems to be one of those qualities of which there's not enough to go around, yet a little goes a long way. Another quote I like, which I found posted on the wall next to the elevator in a Catholic retreat center I visited, is from a rabbi whose name I forget:

"When I was young I admired people who were clever.
Now that I'm older I admire people who are kind."

Finally, those lines from the old Bee Gees song “Too Much Heaven”:

"Nobody has too much heaven any more,
It's much harder to come by, I'm waiting in line."

Stuck in first impressions? Coaching can help you understand those people. Visit www.myjimballard.com

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What’s Your Dream?

2009-08-08T04:02:00.000-07:00

Over the years I’ve asked the question “What’s your dream?” to hundreds of people—friends, new acquaintances, seat-mates on planes, waitresses, cab-drivers. Two things I’ve noticed in the process:

They always tell.
Their eyes go up and to my left.

Occasionally someone will rattle off her/his aspirations right away, but that’s rare. Most hem and haw a bit before they get into it. Others seem to be making it up on the spot. I think the question gets anyone thinking.

Asking people about their dreams makes them into storytellers. I’m always careful to listen carefully and show respect and belief in these stories. I encourage them, and many have said that telling their dream makes it seem realer and more possible of fulfillment. Plus, I often share an idea or refer the dream-teller to a book, article or person that might further their aspiration.

A second question I often ask, if it’s appropriate, is. “What have you done or are you doing to make that dream happen?” This is not to put people on the spot, but I’ve got a coach’s mentality so I enjoy giving anybody a little "cosmic goose" along the way.

I’ve also used the question as a training exercise, having people get together in pairs and take turns asking and answering the question. Some interesting things have come out of that. Some have had their work teams and families share dreams. One man reported that he’d gone home, told his wife his dream, and asked her about hers. “Neither of us knew the other’s dream,” he said. “Now we can support each other in making our dreams come true.”

So, asking people -- even those you know well -- about their dreams can be revealing and rewarding. Why not give it a try?

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Happiness Machines

2009-08-03T18:18:00.000-07:00

We are all, each one of us, in the happiness business. Happiness is not something that comes and goes, depending on what’s happening. It is what we are. We are made of it. And not just happiness; we are boundless joy right down to our toes.

I know that sounds peculiar, given that, as we are reminded all the time, there is so much misery and suffering in the world. I’m not denying the unhappiness. I’m just saying it’s a cover-up of the real stuff. Joy is what we really are. It’s where we came from. It’s where we’re going. And in-between we forget. But joy is there all the time, as our true nature.

Take one of those times we would say we’re extraordinarily happy. We fall in love. We have a huge success. Someone gives us a million dollars. What do we do? We automatically look out there and say, “That’s what did it for me—that person, that win, that money.” But what if all the time that joy was there in us, just waiting to spring up? What if the experience we had was just a pickaxe that drove through the crust of our tedious self-denial, and released it.

See how mistaken we are? We’ve got it totally wrong. It’s like the professor who opened his psychology class by saying to the class, “Raise your hand if you’re deluded.” When no hands go up, he smacks his forehead and says, “Oh, that’s right! How would you know?” The truth? CSNY sang it, decades ago:

We are stardust. We are golden.
And we’ve go to get ourselves back to the Garden.

One evidence that joy is our nature’s home town is the ease and lightness that comes to us when we’re happy. There’s a flow to it. Stress is gone, effort is nil. We are lightened up. More and more studies show that the actual practice of joyfulness, laughter and gratitude strengthens the immune system and produces measurable improvement in our mental and physical health. All this should tell us that when we are in joy we’re aligning with the natural course of our being.

On the other hand, when we’re miserable there’s all kinds of effort to it. Every cell seems to cry out. It’s harder to just get up in the morning. However, far be it for me to stand in your way if you’re dead-set on being miserable. In fact, the following video is included to help you achieve misery more efficiently.

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