Kinder than Necessary

I came across a quote that woke me up. In fact, each time I read it or remember it, it has the same effect. So I copied it out and taped it on my bathroom mirror so I'll come across it at the start of each day. It says:

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone
you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

What makes the quote self-evident is my own battle. I know I'm fighting mine, but I don't give a thought, most times, to the fact that you are fighting yours. If I stopped and thought about it, I could wonder: What hopes drive you? What fears hold you back? etc. And by being "kinder than necessary" I may not come to know the answers, but perhaps I can provide some compensation, a bit of r&r from your battle fatigue.We see only evidences of people — their dress, their talk, their actions — and we think we know them. In reality, we are forming judgments on the basis of surface appearances. Outward actions are important, but they are really expressions of what is on the inside.


The human ego tends to carry its own self-imposed burden of infallibility. As soon as the mind thinks a thought, it stamps it with the seal of approval — "This must be true, because I thought of it." To counteract this presumption, we need to be self-questioning. In my own case, I've started this new habit because of the many times I've formed a pre-conception of some person — "She's that way," or "He must be such a ... " only to find out by getting past the snap judgment through further exposure that I was dead wrong. A friend of mine has given me a tool for this, which I try to use now whenever I see my mind thinking something is true that, on closer examination, is seen to be only an assumption. I call it Michael's Mantra, and it goes this way: "I have no clue."

Back to our kindness quote. Why the phrase "kinder than necessary?" In thinking about those who live outside our own skin, it's a safe bet that:

1. For each person out there, some sort of battle is going on.
   
2. Theirs is just as private and hidden as our own.
   
3. An act of "random kindness" could make a difference, if only by easing their way.

Kindness seems to be one of those qualities of which there's not enough to go around, yet a little goes a long way. Another quote I like, which I found posted on the wall next to the elevator in a Catholic retreat center I visited, is from a rabbi whose name I forget:

"When I was young I admired people who were clever.
Now that I'm older I admire people who are kind."

Finally, those lines from the old Bee Gees song “Too Much Heaven”:

"Nobody has too much heaven any more,
It's much harder to come by, I'm waiting in line."

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